Sunday afternoon trolling Omegle.

For those of you who don’t know it, Omegle is this chat site where you can go to talk to a random stranger. The idea is that you just chat anonymously, and I think it started out as kind of a social experiment. Of course, in practice, the majority of chatters are horny young men hoping to find a girl with a webcam who will then go on MSN. Whether there are any such girls is unknown, but the HYM appear to live in hope.

If you enjoy making fun of strangers, or just being silly, you can troll it fairly amusingly by asking people their IQ, responding only with the titles of Beatles songs or book titles, telling teenagers to watch out for pedobear, or saying you are male and watching how quickly people hang up.

You: Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret.
Stranger: What are you wearing Margaret?

I played around for a while asking people to tell me something they never told anyone else.

Stranger: hi
You: Tell me something you never told anyone else.
Stranger: i had sex with a dog
Stranger: we did it doggy style
You: On the internet, no one knows you are a dog.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Basically the fun that is to be had is fairly limited unless you like messing with people (which I do), but occasionally you get a gem.

Stranger: I CAN’T CAST PYROGRAM
Stranger: I’M OUTTA MANA
You: Are you in the right place?
Stranger: WHAT?!
Stranger: OF COURSE I AM!
You: You know, are you standing on a mana source?
Stranger: THIS ISN’T THE MENTHINAL GUILD?!
Stranger: I AM!?
You: Dude, it is so the Den of Sorceresses.
Stranger: *looks down*
Stranger: I’m not a dude 😡
You: Oh, well, then welcome.
You: I was worried I was going to have to demand an offering of blood.
Stranger: Well, actually
Stranger: That’s why I’m here.
Stranger: 😐
You: For blood?
Stranger: Yes.
You: Okay, Unicorn, Troll, or Human?
Stranger: What are you?
You: I am the one who has a supply of blood to sell you.
Stranger: I want yours.
You: Mine?
Stranger: Yes.
Stranger: Please? *gives puppy dog eyes*
You: I offer you unicorn blood, and you want mine?
Stranger: Yes.
Stranger: Yours is the one we need!
You: You need a snake-human hybrid?
Stranger: THAT’S PERFECT.
Stranger: YES.
You: What’s in it for me? And don’t be all “riches beyond your wildest dreams”.
Stranger: Riches beyond your wil–
Stranger: Oh.
Stranger: Uhm…
Stranger: Well, you will give life to the ultimate being
You: I am tapping my foot, I mean, tail, here.
Stranger: and he will grant you whatever you want.
You: No, no, YOU have to give me something.
Stranger: Well, what can I POSSIBLY give you?
Stranger: Good sir.
You: SIR?
You: WHAT?
You: Now I am utterly offended.
Stranger: Madam?
Stranger: It’s hard to tell with your snake head…:|
You: It’s not my head that is the snake half.
You: Haven’t you ever seen a mermaid?
Stranger: Oh my!
Stranger: I have not, good serpent.
You: Well, you have the whole half and half thing a bit upside down.
You: So, back to what you are going to give me for a vial of my blood.
Stranger: A vial?!
Stranger: PAH!
Stranger: I need more than that.
You: Unlikely. One drop is enough for the most powerful of purposes.
Stranger: I don’t believe you.
Stranger: This is not information I was told
Stranger: I was told to take 2 pints.
You: Yes, but you are clearly ignorant, with your whole “I have never seen a mermaid” confession.
You: I bet this is your first heroic quest.
Stranger: IT IS NOT
Stranger: I AM LEVEL 80
Stranger: SPECIES: ELF
Stranger: CLASS: ARCHER
Stranger: DO NOT OFFEND ME
You: You probably still have a wooden sword and a green hood.
Stranger: Excuse me?
Stranger: I sword?
Stranger: A*
Stranger: A SWORD?!
You: You’re right. It is more like a dagger.
You: Or a kitchen knife.
Stranger: I don’t USE a melee weapon!
Stranger: I have a bow.
Stranger: DUH.
You: How do you propose to get these 2 pints of blood out of me, then?
Stranger: Kill you.
Stranger: Plain and simple.
You: What, by hitting me over the head with an arrow?
Stranger: BY SHOOTING YOU WITH IT.
You: Okay, so you turn around and walk 20 paces away from me.
You: With your back turned.
You: Are you going to survive to turn around and shoot?
Stranger: I’m not stupid D:
You: I THINK NOT.
Stranger: I’M ON TO YOU
Stranger: *eyes you*
You: You know, while we have been chatting, I have been entwining my serpentine tail around you.
You: Are you finding it a little hard to breathe?
Stranger: WHAT?!
Stranger: YOU SNEAKY SLITHERY THING
You: I can just flick the tip of my tail, and now there is a leetle bit of poison in your blood.
You: Feeling sleepy?
Stranger: Wha…..-_-
You: I might just grab your heavy purse with my spare hand.
You: Thank you for your custom.

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14 thoughts on “Sunday afternoon trolling Omegle.

  1. The E

    No no! Don’t panic! I swear I’ve never chatted with you, I found your website from I, Asshole. I just though that was an extremely satisfying post. You are not being stalked on the internet!

    Reply
  2. Bobbie

    Unlike The E, I did not find this “extremely satisfying” (stalkerish language if ever there was any! *shudders*); no, I found it thoroughly ROLFable! And then the comment–too freakin’ much! I really need this; thanks so much!

    Reply
  3. Ralph Wilson

    hardly brilliant or even entertaining. another sophomoric adventure in shit that nobody but you and your cats would enjoy…

    what a colossal bore you are.

    Reply
      1. Ralph Wilson

        Oh dear, I have read you. But I still think I should offer to help you. What’s the point of being so inane and dry? If you don’t offer something, shut the damn thing down. Your little clique of sycophants – also sad folks it’s clear – could maybe just twitter with you. At 140 characters and less, your droning might be a bit accidentally interesting and enigmatic. But this blog, seriously, you should just close it down.

        You’re welcome!

      2. whatladder Post author

        This is rather an amateurish effort at trolling, just randomly going to someone’s blog and telling them to close it down. Why is it any skin off your nose if my sycophants and I are enjoying ourselves in this tiny corner of the internets?

        Are you so insecure in your own masculinity that you are threatened by women talking? Or is it that you are a sophomore at some community college in a flyoverstate, and you have a little chip on your shoulder about professors?

  4. Ralph Wilson

    I’m sorry; I went about it the wrong way.

    I only came here to help you.

    My masculinity? How on earth did you jump there? You want to call me a homo, too? That’s your strategy.

    Oh dear…I just hate to see someone waste time on inanities when there’s so much that could be done otherwise. I guess if it pleases you to be petty and small, then have it.

    Best wishes; I shan’t point our your deficiencies again.

    Ralph

    Reply
    1. whatladder Post author

      Ah, the flounce. Of course, you are a trolling angel to be so kind as to come by and tell me to shut my blog down, just out of the goodness of your heart. If you really want me to take your advice, Ralphie, you might consider building up some ethos by explaining who you are, and what kind of expertise you have in these matters.

      At the moment, you are just some guy who knows how to use a proxy and ref control.

      Reply

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